UPS Funnies

Hey… I’m too hot and lazy to write something “real” right now, so here’s another of those emails that goes around! (And comes around…) [By the way, I don’t know for sure that these are real]

 

After every flight,  UPS  pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.   The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by  UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way,  UPS  is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away
from midget.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by alwaysgivinglory on July 21, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    LOL! That’s really funny! 😛

    TGWNN

    Reply

  2. I think the mouse and cat one was my favorite. . .but they are all funny! 😀

    Reply

  3. Hahahah, I love this one! My dad works in travel and he sent it to me a while ago. 😀

    Thank you for the laugh and have a wonderful day!
    -Carmen

    Reply

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